How to Submit to your husband
I would love to be writing this blog with a miracle formula of how to successfully submit. X+X=happy submissive wife.
But the problem is I don't know. It is very hard. I think that the main problem is that the majority of women who jump onto the DD/TIH/ttwd bandwagon are not the average 'submissive type'.
They are the dominant, leaders, the CEOs, the teachers, the women with power and responsibility. Yes of course we all aren't, hey I am effectively a stay-at-home mum. But I certainly am not the submissive type.
Friends who I have told about DD, or who I have told I am submitting to the power of my husband, have laughed. Many think that I rule the roost in my house. That I wear the trousers. That my husband does what I tell him to.
The truth is of course not this, or I wouldn't be here writing a blog on my life in DD! But it upsets me and my HOH that people think this. It seemingly devalues his masculinity.
I had a very interesting conversation with my HOH yesterday. We are British liberals. We are very opinionated in society, have been politically active and worked in the media. I was brought up by hippies, who believed in me being raised as 100% independent, and completely unreliant on men (yes I see the irony). My Dad even got cross at me when, on a sate with a boy when I was 19, I allowed my date to pay for me!
Anyway, I am digressing. My HOH was chatting to me yesterday. He was ranting, after seeing one of our friends' wives taking the p**s, by dominating their relationship, and the husband not stopping her.
He said to me, 'you know it just natural, women have always been ruled by men in history'. I began to look at him in shock here.
He continued, 'that is how it was always meant to be.
'Women need leadership, and someone to guide them.'
I couldn't believe it. My feminist education at an all girls school was shrieking at me. How did I get here!
Perhaps I should have realized when he was opening doors for me early in our relationship, and pulling out chairs!
But for years he has masqueraded as a liberal, free thinking gentleman!
I think the thing is the majority of women in my family and friendship group just completely take control of the situation. They chose when they go out to play, leaving their men to put the kids to bed, even if they are working at night. They say when and where the family are going. They get drunk and embarrass their men. They are rude and bitchy and their men are treated poorly.
My parents have recently divorced, but for years my wonderful father allowed his wife to not clean or cook or go out to work, he did it all!
Now I think my HOH often blames the women in these marriages, but really it is also the men. If my father had stopped my mother 30 years ago, this would never had happened.
Children go wild without boundaries and guidance and rules and consequences, and quite honestly so do I. Now I am not saying that all the ladies reading my blog do, but with the majority of my friends and family this is the case.
Going back to the submissive wife formula. I have learned through talking to women and men on the DD network, by reading blogs and websites and by my own little experiments, is to take each day as it comes. To confront each situation with something slightly more submissive than the last situation.
For example, when I want to go out with my friends, instead of previously saying 'darling I am going out tomorrow, can you look after our daughter'. I now say, 'May I go out tomorrow please'.
After my HOH has told me I will be punished, I say (while swallowing my pride I can assure you, 'thank you for being consistent my darling'.
So it's slow progress with me and the big boss man, but it IS progress - YIPEEE.
What I can definitely say is I submit more now than I did last month. And last month I submitted more than the month before and so on.
It's a process, and I am learning, but I AM succeeding. My hoh even bought me flowers today. He didn't say but I knew the subtext was, 'this is because I am proud of your effort darling'.
I love him so much