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Saturday, 10 March 2012

How to submit

How to Submit to your husband

I would love to be writing this blog with a miracle formula of how to successfully submit.  X+X=happy submissive wife.

But the problem is I don't know.  It is very hard.  I think that the main problem is that the majority of women who jump onto the DD/TIH/ttwd bandwagon are not the average 'submissive type'.

They are the dominant, leaders, the CEOs, the teachers, the women with power and responsibility.  Yes of course we all aren't, hey I am effectively a stay-at-home mum.  But I certainly am not the submissive type.

Friends who I have told about DD, or who I have told I am submitting to the power of my husband, have laughed.  Many think that I rule the roost in my house.  That I wear the trousers.  That my husband does what I tell him to.

The truth is of course not this, or I wouldn't be here writing a blog on my life in DD!  But it upsets me and my HOH that people think this.  It seemingly devalues his masculinity.

I had a very interesting conversation with my HOH yesterday.  We are British liberals.  We are very opinionated in society, have been politically active and worked in the media.  I was brought up by hippies, who believed in me being raised as 100% independent, and completely unreliant on men (yes I see the irony).  My Dad even got cross at me when, on a sate with a boy when I was 19, I allowed my date to pay for me!

Anyway, I am digressing.  My HOH was chatting to me yesterday.  He was ranting, after seeing one of our friends' wives taking the p**s, by dominating their relationship, and the husband not stopping her.  

He said to me, 'you know it just natural, women have always been ruled by men in history'.  I began to look at him in shock here.

He continued, 'that is how it was always meant to be.  
'Women need leadership, and someone to guide them.'

I couldn't believe it.  My feminist education at an all girls school was shrieking at me.  How did I get here!

Perhaps I should have realized when he was opening doors for me early in our relationship, and pulling out chairs!

But for years he has masqueraded as a liberal, free thinking gentleman!

I think the thing is the majority of women in my family and friendship group just completely take control of the situation.  They chose when they go out to play, leaving their men to put the kids to bed, even if they are working at night.  They say when and where the family are going.  They get drunk and embarrass their men.  They are rude and bitchy and their men are treated poorly.

My parents have recently divorced, but for years my wonderful father allowed his wife to not clean or cook or go out to work, he did it all!

Now I think my HOH often blames the women in these marriages, but really it is also the men.  If my father had stopped my mother 30 years ago, this would never had happened. 

Children go wild without boundaries and guidance and rules and consequences, and quite honestly so do I.  Now I am not saying that all the ladies reading my blog do, but with the majority of my friends and family this is the case.

Going back to the submissive wife formula.  I have learned through talking to women and men on the DD network, by reading blogs and websites and by my own little experiments, is to take each day as it comes.  To confront each situation with something slightly more submissive than the last situation.

For example, when I want to go out with my friends, instead of previously saying 'darling I am going out tomorrow, can you look after our daughter'.  I now say, 'May I go out tomorrow please'.

After my HOH has told me I will be punished, I say (while swallowing my pride I can assure you, 'thank you for being consistent my darling'.

So it's slow progress with me and the big boss man, but it IS progress - YIPEEE.

What I can definitely say is I submit more now than I did last month.   And last month I submitted more than the month before and so on.

It's a process, and I am learning, but I AM succeeding.  My hoh even bought me flowers today.  He didn't say but I knew the subtext was, 'this is because I am proud of your effort darling'.

I love him so much


  1. I can really relate to the change in views about men and women. I was taught , like you, to be independent. Now I look at my parents unhappy, volitial marriage and see how my dad could have prevented it from getting the way it is as well as they way my mom causes my dad to have such a low self esteem.I just read through all of your posts. I really like the one about the sound of the belt. I don't get spanked, but that sound has always turnee me on. My dad spanked with th belt and to me it was a sign of his authority. I guess that is why it turns me on when my husbantakeout his belt off. You are an excellent writer. Thank you for sharing. I hope others will discover you soon. Keep up the good work

  2. Thank you Learning to Iron. I really appreciate your comments. My blog is getting there. I find it really helpful. I realise lots of things when I am writing it. It certainly helps me to submit and to be a lovely wife!

    1. SpankedWifeUK so you are basically saying that the husband should control his wife or the family will fall apart? This is rubbish. Submission seems like slavery to you. I submit to my husband but it doesn't mean i have to ask his permission to go out with friends and "get punished"

      You seem to be of your husband's barbaric belief that women need to be "ruled by men" because they are too stupid to be an independent being.

  3. Thank you so much this was very helpful! I think that submission plays an important role in a marriage and I am learning how to be the submissive wife. Your advice on taking it one day at a time was very encouraging. My pride always gets in the way and sometimes is the root of out arguments.

  4. I don't think it's rubbish. It's a way to help your marriage. I'm 21 and my man is 36 we both believe it should be this way but I wasn't raised that way at all. I'm trying though. It's definitely something you have to work hard on.

    1. I am a man, and I was able to recover from a disastrous loss of self-esteem due to a bad marriage. One of the things which really helped was a lady friend who spanked me. I felt a new sense of confidence after she started caning me and paddling me. I felt that if I have made a mistake I can correct it. Whereas before she (the wife) would convince me that anything I did wrong was due to some deep character flaw. My friend would not hear of that, and my attitude has turned around and it is somewhat related to a wonderful caring woman who does apply the cane ferociously and has me still makred from last Tuesday

  5. I totally see you're point of view here, but relationships do not always go bad because women act bitchy. My parents are still married, but their union is purely one of habit and not love. My dad is a narcissist and my mom is extremely submissive. She does whatever he wants immediately. When she cooks, it's not good enough. When she cleans, she missed a spot. If she gets dressed up, her outfit makes her look silly. I see a lot of relationships where I see girls really walk all over guys, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, a spanking won't cure everything.