Monday, 5 March 2012
last night in our loving household
Last night in our loving household
My husband works in the evenings and often gets home in the early hours. This means that while he is gone I am set a curfew, otherwise, I ashamedly stay up on the internet etc, sometimes until 1-2 am. This is a problem because I get up at 7 with out 2-year-old daughter, and I won't be a very good mother without enough sleep.
I also am only allowed an hour of internet a night, to help me to more productive things, like keep our house clean, and work on my business.
So last night I did terribly. This was a shame as I had spent all day submitting in the way I want myself to submit. I hadn't sworn very much, I had cleaned everything, I had worked on my business and 'pleased' my husband (you know what I mean).
So when it came the evening, when I was left alone, I had tucked my daughter up in bed, had ironed my husbands clothes and his dinner was ready for him in the fridge (for my standards, this was a huge deal).
So I excitedly signed onto the LDD network, and chatted to a regular friend, also from the UK. Her connection wasn't very good so I spent my hour waiting for her to reconnect (it was worth it her advice is wonderful).
While waiting I was very aware that I had gone over my time, but waited nevertheless - mistake 1!
The next thing I did wrong was breaking my curfew. I wasn't tired when it came to 10.30, so I text my husband to ask him for an extension - no reply. What I know I should have done was to turn everything off and go to bed, but I didn't. My rebellious side took over once again! (when will I learn).
I emailed my HOH to tell him that I had broken the internet time, and I text my husband again to say a rather sassy message, 'so you didn't text back, so I stayed up anyway waiting, sorry'.
Again on retrospect I am not sure why I was rude.
So two am my HOH comes home at 2am, he woke me up, but I pretended to be asleep as I though I might get a lecture! He climbed into bed and said, 'come here'. 'OK' I thought, 'here come's a brief lecture and spanking promise'.
He pulled me into a sleepy cuddle, kissed me on the forehead and said, 'I love you so much, you are such a good wife, you are trying so hard.'
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, first I was confused, then realization hit me that he hadn't got my messages, and then major guilt hit me, and a realization of how much he loves me.
'What, even though I broke two rules?' I said.
He was now the one who was confused, for a brief 20 seconds after coming home to see a gleaming home, his shirts ironed and his dinner waiting, I had been the perfect wife. He was probably in disbelief of it, but now I had confirmed his worries, and I had failed to be the spouse I so long to be.
'What rules?' he said.
So I told him how I had missed my curfew and gone over my internet.
'Why did you go over your internet darling?' He said, ever the fair disciplinarian.
So I explained the whole story.
'Well that wasn't really your fault was it?' A grin spread across my face, like one of a criminal getting away with some terrible bank robbery. Hand-shaped bullet dodged!
'And why did you not go to sleep when I asked?' He asked. He sounded so disappointed in me, quite possibly the worst punishment of all.
'Because I wasn't tired, and you didn't text me back.'
He sighed, 'Well that doesn't matter does it, you need to go to sleep when I tell you, i didn't get your text, I can't look at my phone when I am working'.
Not sure I thought this one through - one of my flaws!
So we hugged and he went to sleep.
Will I be spanked today? Who knows, I am learning not to try to control things from my end, but it is oh so hard. I want to say to him, 'darling will you spank me for being rude, and purposefully not following your leadership, because if I were you I would do'.
This is not the point, it is REALLY hard not knowing.
The worst part of the day was, that I then sat there thinking about all of this unable to sleep. I turned a torch to try and read and my HOH was cross as it woke him up.
So all of my actions meant that I am sat here with my young child, after doing my chores on less than 4 hours sleep, my HOH was woken up, and I am too tired to give my daughter the attention that she deserves!
Oh dear C, this really is a difficult situation that you have caused. I have started this blog without asked HOH, I probably should have asked, but I shall email him this post, as in writing it, I have realized allot.
We shall see what the day brings, he isn't working tonight!