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Thursday, 15 March 2012

My HOH is ill

My HOH is Ill 

My HOH has been ill and it has turned me into a monster.
I don't know why.

I think I need his leadership on a regular basis, and I haven't had it for three or four days.

I feel low, annoyed, irritable and rebellious.

I haven't broken any rules, but yet I also have had no inclination to take care of the house, or anything.

This is awful.  My poor HOH is sick and yet I am thinking about myself.  Not to mention this puts allot of pressure on him.

He can't be 'on form' every day can he?  Oh dear, I am all confused and all in a 'flutter'.

I feel like my world has been turned upside down.  I clearly need him a great deal but he hasn't been around.

He hasn't disciplined me, or corrected me.  He hasn't cuddled me or made love to me.  He has rarely even spoken to me in the past few days.  And it has made me feel very strange.

To give him his due, he has horrid flue, and I don't think he has been this ill in five years or so.  But it is so strange.

I guess it's like when an army loses it's officer, or when the teacher of a class steps out of the room, all hell breaks loose.

I clearly have no more discipline than an unruly group of children. Sigh, and there is me thinking how far I have come on our DD journey.

Perhaps I am nothing without my HOH.  I think I may have become completely and utterly dependent on him, his leadership, his place within the home.

I don't feel I really want to bother to clean the house, or do work, or my chores, it's like I have lost all momentum!

My poor HOH, I really must be hard to lead! - But I guess this shows just how important his leadership and guidance is.

Oh well, I think I need to stop moaning and go and make him some soup!

I am sure this time next week, when or if I am being punished for something I may wish he was back in bed, and not within arms reach of an implement!


4 comments:

  1. This isn't uncommon. If you browse through the blogs you will find many others with the same struggle. Find out the tasks that mean the most to him, maybe just one thing and start there. You seem to realize you need to get the focus off of yourself and onto him. Hang in there. I hope he is better quickly and that he will be proud of how well you did when he needed you.

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  2. I think you will get more comments is people can choose anonymous. It's a pain to have to log in just to leave a comment. Just a thought.

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  3. Thank you for your comments and for reading my blog.
    I actually don't know how to allow the anonymous setting! But I shall try. Thank you for your kind words.
    C

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  4. hi I have encounter my husband being ill too . Its being going on for about 10 weeks he has a chest infection and gone through a series of antibotics and tests he is still not a lot bette and has more tests to be done. I live in Ireland by the way. I visit LDD as well though not so much recently. I know what its like to feel neglected as we are just starting DD and I had been spanked a couple of times and I had written to my husband and read him the letter explaining all about how I felt and what I wanted and what DD was and he took ill. I don't know what to do now its really getting me down so you are not alone I don't know if this helps but at least u will know u are not the only one

    Jane

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