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Saturday, 17 March 2012

Why I love DD

My epiphany moment!

Today I had a moment of realization.

I often struggle when I take a step back and look the nature of DD.  I often find myself thinking, 'this is weird'.

I think it's hard sometimes to see beyond the 'spanking' element.  But it really isn't the main part of DD. However I think this is why many people either see it as 'abuse' or 'bdsm'.

I was trailing youtube this afternoon.  My wonderful HOH allowed me to have no internet cap as I am in bed sick! Joy of joys!  And I stumbled across a video of a Christian lady, I think she is Mormon - forgive me if I am wrong, there aren't many Mormons in the UK!

She spends a good 8 minutes on her video ( declaring why a wife should submit to her husband.

Now I first must premace this by saying that I am not religious. However I do believe women should cover themselves up (no low-cut tops or mini skirts) and be demure and I do believe that standards of language, behavior and manners have fallen in the UK.  I was also raised by liberal hippy parents, but went to a strict Christian school (if that isn't going to muck with my head I am not sure what will!)

I watched this woman talking.  At first I think I expected to receive some very anti-women views,  and instantly put up a wall that a liberal women of the west might arm herself with when confronted by such information, but she completely hit the nail on the head.  She said that women and men are so happy in a relationship when there isn't a constant battle for power. When there aren't arguments and unhappy tension in the air.

That when a woman honestly gives herself to her husband, he can choose to be in charge, and there is a healthy balance.

Many of us in DD relationships give this seat of power to our men.  For a few years my HOH and I fought for position.  A position that in the past women would not have challenged, but in the feminist era of post 1960s have taken without question.

Of course for some people this is fine, this is acceptable.  Some men do not want to have the power of a relationship.  It takes guts and effort and the knowledge that all decisions come down to you and are yours.

I also was encouraged by a view that I read on 'his husbandly touch' blog,

"She needs to know that you’re strong enough to be the leader. She doesn’t like being in the leader’s position. She’ll do it if it’s needed. In fact, many men have abdicated their role as leaders and have taken on a passive, even disinterested position, waiting for the woman to tell them what to do for the relationship.  The woman will step into the empty position that you’re not filling, but unless the husband is incapacitated with illness or injury, she resents it. "

I think most women who ask for DD are fed up with the fight.  They are fed up with feeling like they have to make decisions and choices in their relationships.  As mothers and carers we naturally are quicker at making these decisions.  We are poised to protect our young, and our men from harm.

A few years ago I gave up the fight, I had had enough of this battle for power.  I completely gave in and decided that I wanted to support my husband in his role as head of our household.  The feeling fills me with warmth.

To hand the torch of power to another was something very strange for me.  I had always been in control of everything, including him, until I began to trust him.

Trust is a HUGE part of this.  By taking on DD I said to my husband, I completely and utterly trust you.  I trust you to do what's right for me and our children.  I trust you to protect and provide for us.  I trust that you will always make the decisions that is best for me, even if I don't always realise it.

And he has.  This is why it works.  I completely trust him. I feel like I closed my eyes and fell backwards into his opening, loving and protective arms, and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would be there to catch me.

I think this is why it works.  This is why it makes me happy.  I feel protected, loved, cherished.  Yes sometimes he spanks me.  But that isn't the point!  The point is that he is willing to do whatever it takes to protect and love this family.  Spanking is just a symbol of his power, his control, his decisive nature.  My submission, the very act of me following him to the bedroom and bending over is my symbol.  It says I trust to completely to do what is needed.

Why do women who think DD is horrible get excited when manly characters take their women in hand in old movies!  Because they are caring, and trustworthy.

At the start of her relationship, a friend once said to me, 'I want him to be more spontaneous'.
I think she needed to be taken in hand.  I think the majority of women need DD.  Sure they may not want the spanking, but do I? certainly not.  However I do want him to take control and lead.

I love giving this part of me to my HOH.  Of course it has been VERY hard.  And sometimes, when I have to follow a rule it continues to be hard.  But the thing that makes me continue is knowing that I completely and utterly trust him.

And may we continue on this wonderful path, for years to come.


  1. You expressed this very well. For us we have peace and harmony which allows us to enjoy each others friendship more completely.

  2. Thank you for reading my blog Stormy, and thank you for your lovely comments. I loved your recent post of trust too, how funny we both blogged about trust on the same day! It must be something in the air!

    Take care, and happy mothers day UK!

  3. Think you're right about the power struggle, and women stepping up to fill the gap. My HoH is much more confident since we started DD and I'm mostly more relaxed, except when I get a spanking!

  4. Dear Anonymous, thank you do much for taking the time to read my blog. In all honesty it wasn't until I read the post on his husbandly touch blog that the light bulb moment happened.
    Yes I agree with you, I also am more more relaxed the more I trust my HOH, and actually I have learnt to also lie still when being spanked, whereas before I would kick and wriggle.
    All the best.