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Sunday, 29 April 2012

DD forces you to be a good person

Once more I have had a revelation! HOORAH!

Something definite about DD, is that it makes us think about everything in every detail.

I constantly find myself questioning and reviewing my emotions, rather than hiding away, as I may have done before.

This is good and bad.

It means that, in general, we communicate better.  But it also means that I spend a great deal of my time thinking and pontificating about things!

I said to my HOH only a few days ago.

'Darling I don't think everyone is suited to DD, I think only really good men could do it'.

What I meant by that is that a stubborn man couldn't be given complete control over a household, or he may abuse his seat of power.

However I have done somewhat of a U-turn in my thinking process.

It dawned on me that, although good men would of course be the best candidates, I think DD forces most men to be better.

Rosalind, a DD-online friend of mine, and I were chatting yesterday.

She said something that totally made sense to me, something that I hadn't managed to articulate myself.

'We are meanest to the ones that we love most because we trust that they will forgive us and stay with us through anything' (that is paraphrased, don't do me for libel Ros!)

But what she said is SO true, it really hit a chord with me.

I am always mean to my HOH.  With others I know where my manners are, I don't talk back, or speak my mind, I am polite and civil (normally!).

But with the Big Boss Man, I am often mean.  I shout at him when I want to shout at the world.  I swear at him when I want to get out frustration and I feel I can't communicate.  I am mean and he doesn't deserve it.

Of course acting like this nowadays doesn't last long.  Well it does last in a long spanking session, belt whipping, caning etc.

So for me DD has forced me to asses my behaviour.  To look at how I act and alter it to make us happier.

I say DD has forced me to do this, of course it is my HOH I guess who has forced me to be more considerate.  But it is undoubtedly positive and adds to the happiness that we have in our marriage.

With the blokes though, I think it is more complicated.

I will compare us to my next door neighbours, whom we are very close to.

We see them 3 or 4 times a week.  I go running every other day with the husband and sing with the wife in a duo, added to that, our kids play together and my husband often drinks tea with the lot of us when he is home.

We have something in common.  Both the wife and I believe in respecting the men in our lives.  

She was brought up in a very strict Christian home, where her father used a cane to promote good behaviour (not sure if it was with the wife too, I'm guessing not!)

When she left the strictness of her father's home, she continued with the same respect, grace, and reverence towards her husband.

But this was 5 years ago and now things are rather different.

Now she is rather rude to him and he is stubborn and rude back.

We have very thin walls and I can hear them arguing every so often.

The arguments are normally of him shouting at her and her not shouting back.

The thing that upsets me the most is he shouts 'for F**k Sake _____(insert wife's name here)' quite often, and I think that this is rather disrespectful.

I know that my HOH has never and would never speak to me like that, no matter how angry he was.

But this happens and other disrespectful things happen because he is frustrated that she won't respect him as he wishes.  In turn he is very stubborn and can be quite rude towards her.

I think if DD were added to this particular relationship, two things would happen.

She, the wife, would be more respectful towards him and not talk down to him or be rude to him in public (this happens).  And in turn, he would be more respectful towards her, and less stubborn and obstinate as a result of his needs being met.

What I am getting at, in a very long winded way, is that DD forces us to be better.

It forces us to analyse our behaviour and consequences of that behaviour.

I often see Q and A on blogs about DD, where people ask 'what happens when the man does something wrong and isn't punished, it's not fair'.

All I can say to this is that, in our relationship, this doesn't happen.  

DD forces my wonderful husband to asses his decisions and shortcomings.

He has total responsibility, a huge burden and weight on his shoulders, but one that he bares well!  But this burden acts as his leader helping him to do the right thing.

I am lead and guided by him and he is lead and guided by the weight of responsibility on his shoulders.

He rarely makes mistakes or misjudgments for our family, as I have given him complete and utter trust.  Just as a parent is given trust by a child, and generally makes the best decisions for the child, so he does for me, his wife.

I'm not sure if I have articulated my ramblings effectively, but there they are, from my head to you, via this blog!

All I mean to say is that DD makes life better,  it makes people better, it forces us to all be accountable for our actions and take responsibility for what we do.  It is wonderful, if confusing,  and long may it last! - even if I regularly have a pink tinge to the skin on my behind!

Have a lovely Sunday everyone!

1 comment:

  1. I'd have to agree. They hold them selves to a high standard because they hold us to a high standard and a good leader leads by example. Daddy says that being my Daddy makes him want to be a better man.