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Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Don't spank me

Over the past few years, where we have been finding our way through DD, I have had various different reactions to impending spankings.

There's the 'fight mode'.  Where I feel like this...



I literally want to fight him to protect myself.  Of course I haven't actually done this, but sometimes vocally!

The worse thing that I have ever done is to get up in the middle of a spanking, throw the pillow across the room, that I was biting, and scream, 'NO, I WON'T do it any more' - Yes that was a smooth move C!

Then is the inevitable terror mode, when I feel like this...



Then there is the recent one.

Something strange has happened over the past few weeks.  I now dread a spanking so much that I go into thinking I can't do it.

Before I could lie there for 15/20 minutes while he whipped my arse with his belt.  Now however I get a few licks with a paddle and scream that I just can't stand it.

I HATE that stupid paddle.

I HATE the way it looks.

I HATE the way is feels.

I HATE the way is sits there in the wardrobe thinking, 'haha C, I'm gonna smack your bottom at some point this week, and there is nothing you can do about it'.

I HATE HATE HATE it!

So now when he tells me that I am going to get a spanking, all I want to do is run for the hills.

I don't understand why.  I used to accept my fate, take it like a man.  Lie there and not move, now I am a wimp and just can't handle it - and it is driving me nuts!

So the next time he tells me that I am in trouble you wont see me with my knuckles bared, or my 'come and get it' face.  Oh no!  Instead it is likely that I will be doing this...





8 comments:

  1. Hmmm... when did this change happen? Could there have been a trigger for it? If you are having such a drastic change in reaction, it might be time to discuss it. You can't live like that. (In my opinion, and I like spankings.)

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    1. You like spankings? spanko? I don't like spankings at all personally, but I respect that you do of course.

      I love him being in charge and taking control of things, but certainly not the spanking.

      I think the change might be something to do with the fact that I went away and then we both went away? I'm not sure. It might also be something to do with the fact he has started using a new implement whcih I just can't cope with! It works towards my behaviour hating it more though!

      Thanks for reading Kitty.
      C

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    2. I did not know I was a spanko a few months ago, but yes, here we are. Isn't that fun? :)

      I can understand the new implement causing problems. When I don't like one, H puts it away until a few weeks later, I am like, hey what happened to that? Then he brings it out and I remember, Oh yeah, that one HURT.

      I didn't mean to try and fix things when you may have just wanted someone to listen, but I was concerned about the dread versus just not wanting to... that sounded like a conversation necessity to me.

      I hope you are well.

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    3. Hi Kitty, no fear not, all comments are welcome.
      I think for me, I am always going to dread spanking, otherwise it wouldn't be unpleasant and I consequently wouldn't correct the behavior that he wants me to change. There is absloutely nothing nice about spanking for me, i hate it, but for us that is the point.

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  2. I'd say that it might have something to do with hormones, but it sounds like it has happened for a couple weeks. I know I'm physically much more sensitive to a spanking at certain times of the month.

    Is there anything going on inside, new thought processes, new feelings about ttwd?

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    1. Hi Susie, yes it may well be something to do with hormones, thanks I had never thought of that.

      Ummm.. I'm not sure if anything has changed on the inside. Maybe. I guess my reaction has also changed after a spanking too.

      I used to feel really down and be very needy afterwards. Now I think I take it better. It feels alot more like the slate is wiped clean, and I can move on.

      Thanks for reading Susie.
      c

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  3. Still new to DD but find my feelings are changing all the time, I was very stoic at first, then very 'squawky' as my lovely HoH describes it. Now I just feel angry and frustrated. Think maybe a spanking brings out buried emotions?

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    1. Hi Anonymous, thanks for reading.

      Yes it definitely does bring out different and hidden emotions I think.

      One this I have found about DD, is that it is very very hard for me to understnad alot of those emotions.

      I think before DD I was able to hide alot of it away, but the very nature of this lifestyle has meant that I have to force myself to confront my feelings and thoughts, and although that is very healthy and terribly cathartic, sometimes it is also very difficult.

      The only time I have ever cried after a spanking wasn't directly about the spanking itself, but about what had caused me to be rude in the first place.

      Hidden family stuff, that when it was going round and round in my head I turned into a bit of a monster!

      Thanks for reading, and take care.

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