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Friday, 6 April 2012

When HOH is away

Sometimes I just don't think I can do it.

Sometimes I think that I just can't follow the rules.

It is gone midnight, my HOH is away, I have broken my internet cap, my kurfew, picked my spots and eaten an entire easter egg.

I didn't know wether to post this, it will no doubt get me into trouble, but I am clearly in serious trouble anway!

Sometimes I want to shake myself, shout at myself and say, 'C WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU WILL GET A SPANKING FOR THIS, WHY WON'T YOU STOP'.

The only things that I have managed to achieve in DD is that our house is tidy and clean all the time and I am not rude or disrespectful to my darling husband.

In fact come to think of it, I only normally seem to break the rules when he is away.

It is not through lack of trying, I try, I promise I do, but it is just SOOOO hard.

I trust him, I love him, I hate to dissappoint him, and yet still, I seem to every couple of days at the moment.

I wish it would click some time soon that I shouldn't keep breaking the rules.

And I know some people will read this and say, 'he clearly isn't spanking hard enough!' or 'his rules are clearly unreasonable'.

I would say that isn't true to these things.

Firstly I don't think he spanks me lightly by any means, and secondly all his rules are fair.

So WHY CAN'T I GET THEM!?

sigh


Sometimes if I know I have been naughty I go that extra mile with cleaning, in the hope that it will save me!

This evening I spent a good ten minutes buffing the shower to a brilliant sheen! Perhaps I will be able to see my backside in it tomorrow when I inspect the damage!

Sigh


I fear tomorrow will be a long day!

C

2 comments:

  1. Humm...I'm real sorry C. You sound discouraged.

    This may be an odd question, but do you think perhaps there is too much focus on rules? I guess what I'm really asking is if too much of your energy is focused on obeying specific things instead of a more generalize sense of submitting or following his lead? It's that pull between head and heart, doing and being. LOL...am I making any sense at all.

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  2. Yes I am a little.

    I am wondering if you are right? I shall ask my HOH to read this and see what he thinks.

    It seems like, is it the case that he will spank me so much that I will finally get the message, or is he doing it wrong!?

    I am really not sure. I love DD but sometimes it is just very very hard.

    All the best, thanks for reading.
    c

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