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Sunday, 24 June 2012

Dd and being alone

When Dd came into my life, there was something missing for me.

I longed for friendship.

I longed for others who were in Dd relationships to talk to and to share stories.

To laugh with them about our husbands giving us 'the look' in a supermarket or to laugh at the fact that we said something rude at the most inapropriate moment.

I wanted some friends who I could call upon when Dd was tough, when I needed assurance and guidance, when I didn't understand my own feelings or actions.

Dd makes us analyse everything so much and this means that I have a real need for support.

I am very social and really value my friends and meeting new friends is also very important to me.

My prayers were answered when I found the LDD Network.

Finally I found a bunch of like minded women who I could share my feelings and thoughts with, as well as have a laugh.

It was also a great feeling to finally be able to talk to people and openly be able to say, 'I have to go in a moment my husband wants me off the internet' or 'I can't be long I have a spanking imminent'.

Months have now gone by and I am getting that same yearning.

Last night I went to a choral recital at a local church, and the bruises from a recent punishment could be felt throughout, against the hard wooden pews.

I thought, 'I would love to be able to tell my girl friend why I am uncomfortable'.

I cannot lie.  It is a fact that I am a terrible liar and I rarely even bother to try.  I just tell the truth even when it is not the best idea.  Like when I was pregnant I didn't want to tell anyone, but when asked by a few nosey girl friends I said 'yes, yes I am' even though I wanted to lie! And not telling my friends about Dd really feels like I am lying to all of them.

I am quite open about my husband being in charge, and that helps.  I even admit to having to go home at a certain time in parties.  But talking to others is just so important to me and right now I am feeling rather alone.

It feels like I am on Dd island staring out into sea not being able to communicate with anyone.

When I joined the LDD network, the very first time I logged on, a woman from the UK popped up on chat and started talking to me.  Months went by and we exchanged facebook details, and eventually we exchanged mobile phone numbers.

It was great to be able to text her when I needed to as well as offer her support when she needed it.  It was also great to have a friend, however virtual, who understands the background behind my actions in life (Dd and all its components).

The other day something crazy happened.  I love to text this friend of mine, but we have never met, nor spoken on the phone.

I was working on a community project and went to call my husband.  I clicked what I thought was a text of his and pressed the call button on my mobile phone.

Expecting my husband to call, I was rather taken aback when a woman answered, also sounding surprised.

'Charlie!' came the voice on the other end.

I began to scan through my memory as to who it might have been.  I had called a long list of people that day for the community project and figured it must be one of them.

'I'm sorry' I said, 'I think I have dialed the wrong number, who is this?'

The voice then informed me that it was my Dd friend from the network.

An instant feeling of panic mixed with excitement filled my veins!  I would never have had the courage to call her under normal circumstances, and I couldn't believe I had, especially as I was sat next to someone that I was working with.

We started chatting, a very easy and flowing conversation, considering we had never actually met before!

It was lovely to finally make real interaction with another person in Dd.

She even said, when I asked her about something, 'I could never do that, my husband would never let me'.

I have never actually heard anyone other from myself say those words and it was refreshing.

I walked around with a smile on my face all day after that conversation.

So Dd friend, this is for you, thank you for being on the other end of a text when all I want to say is things like 'I don't want to do these lines' or 'he is being really strict at the moment'.

Thanks.

And to anyone else who feels alone, join the LDD network, on there you will find friends and laughter, support and advice and never any nastyness or judgement.

C




8 comments:

  1. hi C, it's Milly here. I'm from the UK too! I haven't commented for a while and I have just read your post. I am sorry you were feeling lonely and I too would love to meet others who share this lifestyle. Not an easy thing though. I am not a member of the LDD network, not sure if my husband would be happy with me joining. take care Milly

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    1. Hi Milly,
      It is a great community, there aren't many UKers there, but enough to make you feel included. Send me an email and we can chat, mummyinthecountry@gmail.com.

      Your husband can join too then he can monitor you, you can get a couples membership for cheap!
      C

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  2. I've been feeling the same way...really needing a friend to talk to at times. Thanks for the advice, I'll go check it out. :)

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    1. Hi OneLove, it is hard sometimes.

      I go through peeks and troughs.

      The network is great. I have had nasty people contact me on other sites, but never on there, and they run chat nights and there is an instant chat on there too.
      C

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  3. Hi C! I know exactly how you feel but I have told some friends, it's funny cos I haven't told my closest friends just the free spirited ones who don't judge :) my closest friends are far to protective ;) I can't blame them cos I'd be the same. I'm glad you are building a network of friends to talk to.xx

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    1. Hi, Yes I have told a few friends, but the ones that aren't judgemental and who im not that close to. Only one of they got it though!

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  4. Hi :) I understand how you feel. I actually joined a couple of yahoo d/d forums not too long ago in the hope of connecting with people in this lifestyle over on this side of the 'fence' but I didn't like it. I couldn't tell you why, but I much prefer the interactions of this community right here in blogland and I've made a handful of good friends who I 'chat' to freely.
    I'm not a member of the LDD network. Being perfectly honest, I use email or yahoo messenger, which is free :)

    Dee x

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    Replies
    1. Hi Dee,
      At first I was anti paying for LDD too, but I gave it a month's trial, and it is great. It is basically like facebook, with chat, and discusions etc, but only Dd people, which is great. Everytime people have a problem they share it in a discussion and everyone gives their input. I love it.

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