Friday, 17 August 2012
swatted at the family gathering
'Why have you bought those vitamins' I said with an accusatory tone, not befitting for a Dd wife.
'I beg your pardon' said my husband.
The guests in the room, my father and younger sister, who had popped round for tea, didn't notice the exchange.
I walked into the kitchen to put away the shopping that my husband had in his hand.
'I don't appreciate that tone in front of your family C', said my husband, fluffing himself up like a bird in front of me.
'And I don't appreciate you spending £20 on those when you eat a balanced diet, it's a waste of money'.
Aware that he was beginning to get angry and not wanting to castigate me in front of our guests he gave me the look and walked upstairs.
'Fine then walk away and sulk, that's very manly'. Woopsie, did I just say that?
'COME HERE' bellowed his voice from upstairs.
I excused myself to my family and went upstairs like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Smirking like a naughty embarrassed school girl I faced my husband in the bedroom.
He towered a foot above me, a 6'7" giant of a man, not to be messed with. He began to lecture.
'You will not give me a dressing down in front of anyone, do you understand?' He said.
'Well, don't waste money on things that we don't need then'. I said.
Now there is a time when every Dd wife needs to know when to shut her mouth and finish her attitude before her husband finishes it for her. I am not able to do this very often. When fueled by my female psyche I am empowered, obstinate, forthright and very unwilling to back down.
'Right, turn around.' Said my husband with the most stern tone I have ever heard.
'You can't spank me when my family are down stairs'. I said in shock.
'I said turn around and place your hands on the wall'. He said.
'Please don't, they will hear you' I said, turning around in complete disbelief.
SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK,SMACK, SMACK.
'You will not speak to me with disrespect in front of anyone do you understand?'
SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK.
He finished, placed the implement back in the cupboard and drew me into his arms.
I was feeling very sore, sorry for myself, sad and remorseful.
I then went down stairs and pretended to my family like nothing had happened.
They didn't hear anything.
And the moral of the story Ladies and Gentleman? Know when to stop nagging and moaning at my husband, or he will teach me when to stop!