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Thursday, 6 September 2012

Dd and the depressive wife

I have been feeling pretty low recently.

I was a depressive for years, until about a year ago and I think I have taken for granted the fact that I have been feeling fine and dandy for a year.

A lot has changed in my life in the last few months and it has sent me into a spiral of sadness, self doubt and into a self destructive pattern.

This of course enters and factors heavily in our marriage.

I have started to be bolshy, I have started to hen peck and I have started to be rude.

I am not a great communicator.

I allow things to stew and to go around and around in my head before letting my husband know how I am feeling.

He usually realises that something is wrong when the house becomes messy and unkempt, his meals become tasteless or non existent and our child is plonked in front of the television, rather than learning to paint/cook/play.

This time however, I managed to keep the balls in the air, while still feeling horrific inside.

The house was tidy, his tummy was full and our child was baking and painting with mummy on a daily basis, but I was wandering around like a zombie, trapped inside my mind, feeling dreadful.

So the poor man, didn't notice that I was actually falling apart at the seems.

His first sign was that I missed my curfew.  OK, OK, that isn't a big deal, it happens once a month or so.  The Big Boss Man decided that he would give me lines to combat this rule break.

He gave me until Sunday to do them.

The inside of my head was filled with cotton wool and I felt unable to see clearly towards my goals and expectations so I missed the deadline, unexpectedly - lines not done.

Then, while my husband was at work, a friend of ours, who he doesn't approve of, wanted to come over for a glass or two of wine.

Now there is a good reason why he doesn't approve of her.  Her and I act like naughty children when we are together.

She is my most fun friend!

However, two years ago we got very drunk together - I even smoked cigarettes with her! ( I don't do that!) and ended up kicking my husband in the family jewels in front of his friends.

So when she wants to come round, he always has reservations and often gives me restrictions on my drinking .
Over the past few months, my wayward friend and her boyfriend have had a really hard time and had recently split up, just before we were set to go on holiday together.

This is what happened...

(I shall call my wayward friend WF)




WF text message, 'C, can I still come round for wine tonight?'

Me, 'Yes sure, come round at 7.30, so I can put my daughter to bed'.

WF, 'OK see you then'.



....Hmmmm.... I should probably text my husband.  I don't really want to.  I should ask permission.  He is going to say no, but I don't care.  I am going to see her anyway.  It is more important to support my friend through her difficult break up rather than submit to my husband...



Me to Husband, 'J, can WF come round tonight, I need to support her.'

Husband, 'Yes, but drink two drinks ONLY and go to bed before I get home at midnight, I EXPECT you to be responsible'.



Texting my Dd friend, 'I'm seeing my wayward friend tonight woohoo!'

Dd Friend, 'Will you behave?'

Me, 'Yes, I am only allowed two drinks, but if he had said no, I would have done it anyway'.

Dd Friend, 'I just told my husband and he is horrified'.  Oh great, that is now going to get me in a lot of trouble, seeing as our husbands are friends.


I know this looks like I am being incredibly naughty and unsubmissive, and yes I am, but as I said, I was on a very negative destructive pattern, and for anyone who understand's a depressive mind set, I felt like unable to see the negative implications of my actions.

So when my wayward friend came round to drown her sorrows.  I decided to indeed only 'drink two drinks' but I wanted to get drunk, so delved into the back of the cupboard for the biggest glasses I could find.

OK, so it wasn't this big, but the glasses that we have are made out of old wine bottles, so you are effectively drinking half a bottle of wine per glass, for a light headed woman, this is deadly.

Me and my friend sat drinking next to the fire in the garden, I listened to her woes and acted as a good friend - it turns out that after our chat her and her boyfriend got back together again!

After the second glass, she said to me, 'lets drink some more'.

This is the only point in which my Dd wife button was switched on.

I said, 'I can't, J said to only have two' - oblivious to the fact that I had taken the mick out of that particular rule!

WF, 'Oh come on, he is so bossy' - She doesn't know that he spanks me!

Me, 'This is in your best interest. If he comes home to find me passed out on the floor, you won't be able to come again, and I want you to'.

WF, 'OK then, but I'm having more'.

Woohoo, submissive wife I am (well clearly not, but at least I eventually did as I was told).

So at midnight my darling HOH came home to see two empty wine bottles strewn around the garden, and the offending glasses, as well as a soundly asleep, comatose wife.

The next day I had the hangover from hell.

We had to travel to a gig of his, along with his family and I slept the entire way there - I was poor company.

While he stopped for fuel in a service station on the way home, I went through his phone to see if he had written anything in hit notes about spanking me.

He saw me from across the service station and marched straight to the car to grab the phone off of me.

When we got home and had put our child to bed, he sat me down in the bedroom and began to lecture.

It is always hard for him to know what to do with me when I am in a depressive mood, but having a strong leader always helps.  If he treats me like I am about to break, I am unable to get myself out of the episode.  It is like I disappear into my head, and am drowning within my mind.  I feel unable to swim out myself.  It takes my lovely husband to pull me out, and tell me what I need to do and lead me with a firm hand to save me.

So that is what he did.

My list of transgressions:

1) Missing my curfew and not even attempting the lines I was set.
2) Choosing to socialize without permission.
3) Deciding to defy him, and telling our Dd friend's about it.
4) Invading his privacy by reading his phone notes.
5)Drinking too much and defying his rule about drinking responsibly.

After his lecture he said to me, 'This is not going to be an easy spanking. You are not going to be sitting comfortably for a while afterwards'.

And boy was he right.

He sent me downstairs to stand in the corner and he joined me ten-minutes-later, with belt and paddle in hand.

This was four days ago and it is still sore, sitting on this wood chair at my computer!

But as a strange side effect, I have now also been happier for four days! Perhaps he spanked the depression out of me! Or perhaps it makes me feel better when I am metaphorically being held in his protective and strong leading arms throughout the day.

Who knows - but long may it last!






10 comments:

  1. Yikes! I am just cringing thinking of those rule breaks around here. But I'm glad that you are not feeling as depressed.

    Be good, now :)

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    1. Thanks Stormy, I will try, and yes, it wasn't prety! :(

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  2. Glad you are feeling better!

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  3. I find myself getting in more trouble when I'm depressed. A lot of it has to do with the general lethargy it brings that leads to me neglecting my chores.

    I know what you mean about the spanking helping. I don't know if its the endorphins that are released or just feeling more secure because he has us in hand, but it definitely helps.

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  4. Ouchy! I'm glad you're feeling better though! :)

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  5. I am glad you are not feeling so depressed. I am always heee to talk. I am glad your punishment helped you.

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  6. Glad you are feeling better.... but ow ow ow!!! I get like that when I start drinking wine. I'm always finding myself asking my husband if I can have just one more glass...Wine always gets me into trouble!

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  7. I'm happy to hear you're feeling better. I usually feel a sense of relief after a spanking... I realize that he is going to protect me- mostly from my own destructive behavior. Have a great weekend. :)

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  8. Ouch. But if it works I guess it was worth it.

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  9. He is a good hoh, and you are a good wife, I'm so glad that the 'black dog' (Winston Churchill's name for his depressive episodes) is silenced.

    Thankyou for sharing, my precious friend


    Hugs

    His Princess

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