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Monday, 8 October 2012

I vow to give my husband everything

When I got married, it didn't cross my, or my husband's mind to use the vow 'Love honor and obey' within our ceremony.

For anyone who isn't familiar with UK civil ceremonies you can pretty much do what ever you like within the ceremony.

We had my ukulele-playing sister serenade us, poetry read by my mother in law, we wrote our own soppy vows and got married among lakes filled with waterlilies.

This isn't my wedding, but it is the venue!

But when it comes to the legally binding words, you have one of a list of options.  I seem to remember an option with 'obey' in the title, but I can't remember exactly.

If I had had that option, there is no way we would have done that in front of our friends and family.

We chose the contemporary option, whatever that was.

But recently as my friends have also been getting married, I have been thinking about our vows and what they really mean to me now.

At the time I don't think they were that important to me, the day was and the very fact that I was marrying my soul mate was, but not the legally binding words.

I now believe that I should give everything of me to my husband.  I know it is controversial, not so controversial within the Dd community but still certainly controversial.

I believe that as my husband, the Big Boss Man has full control of everything but he also has the control to delegate and he does, often.

I believe that he has the right to protect his family, even if it is from themselves!

I believe that he has the right to my body, to punish it as he sees fit and to make love to it when he wishes.  Does that mean he takes the liberty when I don't want to give him my body? Of course not but he has the choice to take on that responsibility.

If I were to get married tomorrow, I think my vows would read,

I vow to honour and obey you, as best I can and respect your judgement at all times.
I vow to give everything of me to you and to trust you in everything.
I promise to stand by you at all times, no matter what.

That is certainly how I feel, though I think my friends and family would have been horrified!



  1. It's funny how our mindset changes. When I got married, I was adamant that my vow would be to love, honor and cherish. There was no way I was promising to obey. In fact, I even got upset with my father-in-law when he read scripture that talked about wives submitting to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-33).

    Seven years later, that scripture is one I read often and we're talking about renewing our vows, this time with "to love, honor and obey."

  2. Beautiful vows!


  3. Beautiful post, thank you for sharing. Love the vows, they are just perfect :)

  4. Hi C,

    Beautifully written post..

    I did choose love,honor, and obey, it was my way of showing those in attendance what I wanted in my marriage. Many of my friends at the time omitted the word, saying it was patriarchal, I meant those vows when I said them then, and now more than ever.

    This is a great decision, and I don't need to say A will approve! (I'm showing this to him)

    What a wonderful, and positive example to the ever evolving roles in Society!

    His Princess

  5. Beautiful post, C, and the vows are quite lovely! And the sentiment exquisite.

  6. A beautiful post. I too chose not to use the word "obey" in my ceremony. In 1978, it was outdated. I told my husband that I didn't want to say anything in a vow, that I would not fully keep. I said "love, honor, and cherish". I'm afraid that there were times, especially in the heat of arguing, that I didn't always keep the vows that I spoke either. I wish I had it to do over again. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.

  7. I think those vows are just perfect. Lovely post.


  8. I can remember my own mother counseling me to be sure that we didn't use the word obey in our vows. I wouldn't have dreamed of using it back then. Now I'd love to renew our vows and express my commitment just as you described. GREAT post!!