Wednesday, 23 January 2013
I have learnt to submit to my husband
When I started this blog I wrote a post with a similar title, but the content was basically me ranting about that fact that I had no idea how to submit to my darling man.
Last night I had an epiphany. I realised for the first time that I feel like I know what it takes.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I have all the answers but I feel successfully submissive and my husband is successfully leading and strong at the same time.
It is simple really, I am as loving and supportive as I can be and I show him respect.
I am stating the obvious really to anyone who knows us. I pride myself in being a submissive wife and when I say that, I don't mean in a demeaning way. All I mean is that I respect my husband's decisions in all things, or at least I try to. Sometimes I don't realise that I am ignoring his leadership, and he takes me to one side, gives me a dominant look and reminds me to think about my approach. 99% of the time I realise that he is probably right and I give in (swallowing my pride has taken a few years to master).
Sometimes I really don't agree with him, and I have now found a calm way of telling him so. I used to, in a cliched woman-like fashion, fly off the handle and become angry and irate, especially when confronted by a cross husband but now I have naturally calmed my nature and I remain respectful.
It has taken over two years to get here. Some of that time has been difficult, and I realise that it was probably quite dangerous to embark on such a lifestyle when our marriage was so new and happy. For us it was never a marriage saving option but something to sustain our strength and happiness and it has done that.
There were times, when my husband had me over his knee, that I remember thinking I would never get it, I didn't think I would ever find a way of settling into a norm, where I naturally follow his lead and guidance. I also, though I am embarrassed to admit it, found the adrenaline of dodging his wrath rather addictive. But now we are us, we are happy and strong and he leads and I follow.
My pregnancy has helped us to balance things. He has learnt to guide me more with words rather than his spanking hand! As I have learnt to calmly accept his position as head of our household.
I have had a lot of negative comments over the past few months, which don't bother me, I am happy for everyone to have their opinion. In fact I would have been horrified and would have reacted in the same way before I began this lifestyle. What I don't understand though is that many of these people make presumptions. They think that because I am happy and for my husband to have the final say and occasionally put me over his knee, that the following things are also true:
I am unhappy or dissalutional
My husband is nasty and a violent bully
I am a beaten wife
I am crazy
I should be able to spank my husband in order to find equality
My children are spanked
My children witness a violent or negative relationship
It is funny actually because we are none of the above. If you met us or knew us well you wouldn't believe any of these things. To other people, and I know because they have told me, we are very loving, happy, enjoy life, we clearly love each other's company and we are often a good example to other people when it comes to marriage for young people.
If you met my husband, he comes across as gentle and funny, intelligent and laid back, but strong.
If you met me you would think that I am slightly quirky, confident, sociable and artistic.
Our daughter is very happy and very loved, she is a delight and makes everyone laugh all the time.
Allowing your husband to take the final say in things really makes a difference. We watch friends and family battle for leadership in their relationships and it is so destructive for them and their children.
One of my friends said the other day 'my boyfriend said he would leave me if I cut my hair short' and another, when going for a pregnancy scan said, 'he wanted to find out the sex, but I wasn't going to to, I said, It's my body so you can't do anything without my permission'.
So many of the situations that we witness could easily be improved with a little more respect on both parts. In society I am a big believer in equality when it comes to the sexes, homosexual marriage or racism, and that is the same in my marriage. I am not expected to be my husband's slave, we share tasks in the house, when I am working or he is working, the other steps up.
But in societal powere someone is always in charge. Communism was a lovely ideal of equality in power, but it didn't work did it? It's the same with my marriage. We are equal in lots of ways but when it comes down to one of us taking the lead or having the final say, my husband is there to take on his role.
And it works just fine.