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Wednesday, 23 January 2013

I have learnt to submit to my husband

When I started this blog I wrote a post with a similar title, but the content was basically me ranting about that fact that I had no idea how to submit to my darling man.

Last night I had an epiphany.  I realised for the first time that I feel like I know what it takes.  

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I have all the answers but I feel successfully submissive and my husband is successfully leading and strong at the same time.

It is simple really, I am as loving and supportive as I can be and I show him respect.

I am stating the obvious really to anyone who knows us.  I pride myself in being a submissive wife and when I say that, I don't mean in a demeaning way.  All I mean is that I respect my husband's decisions in all things, or at least I try to.  Sometimes I don't realise that I am ignoring his leadership, and he takes me to one side, gives me a dominant look and reminds me to think about my approach.  99% of the time I realise that he is probably right and I give in (swallowing my pride has taken a few years to master).

Sometimes I really don't agree with him, and I have now found a calm way of telling him so.  I used to, in a cliched woman-like fashion, fly off the handle and become angry and irate, especially when confronted by a cross husband but now I have naturally calmed my nature and I remain respectful.

It has taken over two years to get here.  Some of that time has been difficult, and I realise that it was probably quite dangerous to embark on such a lifestyle when our marriage was so new and happy.  For us it was never a marriage saving option but something to sustain our strength and happiness and it has done that.

There were times, when my husband had me over his knee, that I remember thinking I would never get it, I didn't think I would ever find a way of settling into a norm, where I naturally follow his lead and guidance.  I also, though I am embarrassed to admit it, found the adrenaline of dodging his wrath rather addictive.  But now we are us, we are happy and strong and he leads and I follow.

My pregnancy has helped us to balance things.  He has learnt to guide me more with words rather than his spanking hand! As I have learnt to calmly accept his position as head of our household.

I have had a lot of negative comments over the past few months, which don't bother me, I am happy for everyone to have their opinion.  In fact I would have been horrified and would have reacted in the same way before I began this lifestyle.  What I don't understand though is that many of these people make presumptions.  They think that because I am happy and for my husband to have the final say and occasionally put me over his knee, that the following things are also true:

I am unhappy or dissalutional
My husband is nasty and a violent bully
I am a beaten wife
I am crazy
I should be able to spank my husband in order to find equality
My children are spanked
My children witness a violent or negative relationship 

It is funny actually because we are none of the above.  If you met us or knew us well you wouldn't believe any of these things.  To other people, and I know because they have told me, we are very loving, happy, enjoy life, we clearly love each other's company and we are often a good example to other people when it comes to marriage for young people.

If you met my husband, he comes across as gentle and funny, intelligent and laid back, but strong.

If you met me you would think that I am slightly quirky, confident, sociable and artistic.

Our daughter is very happy and very loved, she is a delight and makes everyone laugh all the time.

Allowing your husband to take the final say in things really makes a difference.  We watch friends and family battle for leadership in their relationships and it is so destructive for them and their children.

One of my friends said the other day 'my boyfriend said he would leave me if I cut my hair short' and another, when going for a pregnancy scan said, 'he wanted to find out the sex, but I wasn't going to to, I said, It's my body so you can't do anything without my permission'.

So many of the situations that we witness could easily be improved with a little more respect on both parts.  In society I am a big believer in equality when it comes to the sexes, homosexual marriage or racism, and that is the same in my marriage.  I am not expected to be my husband's slave, we share tasks in the house, when I am working or he is working, the other steps up.  

But in societal powere someone is always in charge.  Communism was a lovely ideal of equality in power, but it didn't work did it? It's the same with my marriage.  We are equal in lots of ways but when it comes down to one of us taking the lead or having the final say, my husband is there to take on his role.

And it works just fine.



  1. A friend of my husband's said I must have daddy issues to not only agree to our lifestyle but to request it. It's so disappointing when people pass judgement like that. The friend, by the way, has decided to divorce his wife because she doesn't give him enough of what he wants/needs in the marriage. Ironic much?

    Excellent post!

    1. It is amazing how many people, who could really use Dd, are blinded by society and those in it who abuse women. It is a shame really, but not all men could take in the role of hoh I'm the right way I guess, so perhaps its a good thing.

    2. Men can be an HOH without hitting a woman, so don't make your man out to be of a higher caliber than the ones who don't need to hit.

      Strong, secure men don't hit women. That is "the right way."

      My husband is the head of our house but he thinks what you people practice is pathetic and disgraceful and wonders what type of man has to resort to taking a belt to his wife to get her to behave. So that's how you are viewed.

  2. I'm sorry but I had to laugh at some of the comments.

    Why is it that so many people can understand BDSM, especially since '50 Shades...' but are unable to understand a respectful wife who is sometimes spanked and always (ok almost) defers to her husband. Really a sad commentary on society in my opinion.

    Who cares what narrow-minded people think. You have a loving and strong marriage with a fine man and a growing family. Enjoy!


    1. Thanks Cat, no I don't care what they think. Its sad that they aren't more open, minded.

  3. I am just thrilled to read this. I have followed your blog and we have chatted occasionally. I find that The Man and I have very similar attitudes. Good on your girlfriend.

    1. Thanks Dana, its lovely to finally be here in this position. C

  4. An excellent post, very well stated. I agree with Cat, this kind of lack of understanding is a sad commentary on society. We know the wonderful benefits of living this lifestyle and have strong and happy marriages/relationships. That's what matters.


  5. That was amazing. I have talked to a few friends to see what they thought of DD, just as an idea, not admitting we practice, and their opinions actually frighten me. But as I learn to submit to my husband, and I pray we get to where you are someday, :), I find the more I submit, the stronger I am, happier and loved. We too help each other. I am not his doormat, but I do allow him to lead, and I trust him to make the decisions. My pastor once said something beautiful. "If you allow your husband to lead, it also helps take the pressure off of you for a mistake. You will not be responsible for a wrong decision, and that's to help protect you from that stress and guilt, it's also to help protect you from the stress of having to make a 'right' decision." I don't want my husband to have that stress either, but it was a beautiful thought on my husband's role to protect me.

    1. It is true. I used to get myself into such a state when having to make a decision, this way I'm much more relaxed and my husband enjoys the responsibility.

  6. Your blog has inspired me, especially this one. It gives me hope that one day I might be able to submit to my bf, I want to make him happy but I just keep being bratty and saying all kinds of things in the spur of the moment and upsetting him, which I then hate myself for. Just an ongoing circle. Maybe one day I will learn.