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Friday, 27 September 2013

Acute Stress Disorder

I blogged about having post natal depression.

It is slow going and bonding with my baby when she is screaming is ultra hard.

I have recently been diagnosed as having acute stress disorder, which essentially PTSD. It stems from the fact that I almost died shortly after labor, and quite frankly would have without the amazing NHS.

I blank out often and find myself thinking about aspects of the birth.  I see the faces of my midwives in random stranger's faces.

I panic all day. I often want to run as fast as I can and not come back.

My daughter is beautiful and clearly loves me, but it's so hard to bond with her.

She just doesn't feel like mine.

I was getting better, but now I seem to be struggling again. It's like dragging myself up hill through treacle.

I find at times that I don't want to be with her, she won't settle and I feel like I shouldn't be settling her because she isn't my child.

I don't want to feel like this any more. I want it to stop, but it's hard to see an end to these feelings.  It's like drowning and not knowing how to swim.


  1. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. I know it sounds trite, but it will get better with time. I don't know if you have the option available, but I went to a support group for mothers of traumatic births and it really helped me. Feel free to email if you need to talk.

  2. Be patient with yourself. You went through something so traumatic and it makes perfect sense that it's still affecting you deeply. I am sure there will be peaks and valleys as you make your way up this mountain...but you'll get there!

  3. It must be so difficult, I do feel for you, but it is true that being patient with yourself and allowing yourself backwards steps as well as leaps forward and recognising those leaps is important.

    1. Thanks, yes backwards before coming forward.

  4. I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. As the others have said, be patient with yourself, you have been through a traumatic experience. It will get better over time.


  5. I know exactly what you're going through. i'm going through the same thing. I do sincerely hope you're getting the help you need :p ((((BIG HUGS))))

  6. It made me so sad to hear your story. I, too suffered from PTSD for a non-birth related experience. I went to a psychologist who performed something called EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing). It was incredible! More than 20years after being the victim of a violent crime, I was able to live with the memories without having any negative reactions, thoughts, or feelings. It only involved 1 hour sessions a week for about 1month. I hope you are feeling better soon.

  7. Give yourself time, and having a label now to what you are going through will make it easier to get the help you need to help you move forward. {{{HUGS}}} It is okay for you to be where you are, just keep taking tiny steps forward, and letting people help you when they can.