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Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Domestic discipline four years in

This lifestyle in the beginning was hard.

There were ups and downs,

there were tears, there were tantrums.

It was hard to understand how to do it or how to create this lifestyle when no one we knew practiced it.

So, like everyone in this modern age, we, or more correctly I, searched online for information, advice, friendship and companions.

I needed to fell like I was doing it 'right'. I wanted to follow another's lead, instead of allowing my husband to lead and create his own path.

I have also seen the same in many other Dd women, who want the lifestyle to work.

It's dangerous to compare ourselves and I found myself getting agitated if our Dd marriage didn't fit the mold that I had seen online.

In the early days our lifestyle swayed from being over strict with harsh punishments and an obsession on the rules, to inconsistency and a laid back approach.

It was hard to know where we stood in domestic discipline, especially in the UK, where we have no friends of family who practice it.

Now we have found our own way and life is good.

My husband doesn't need to impose strict rules as I am now naturally submissive.  He rarely punishes me, and when he does he is firm but fair.

We only gain now from it, not lose in any way.

Our bond is so strong and we have no power struggle like all the families around us.

I wish we hadn't had to go through the highs and lows in the early days, but that's life I guess and that's learning.


  1. i have to tell you that had i not read any blogs, like yours, i would have been questioning our relationship dynamic constantly -- and worrying if we're doing it correctly or falling short. it's because of blogs, like yours, that we've been able to bypass many pitfalls of those who've gone before us. i thank you for that--so much! i truly mean it. we have been able to figure out how this works for us because you've put yourself out there and shared your feelings of things that worked and things that didn't. thank you for that. :) hugs, m.

  2. Wow Maryanne, that is really very kind, thank you.
    It's so nice to know that it is appreciated, the page views that I get don't mean anything until people pop up and say hello.


  3. Over the years I have watched so many people trip over themselves in trying to follow a 'schedule' in which they are told and therefore expect that this action, plus that response, will *always* engender the same neat result.

    The trouble is that, because we all have different personalities, different physical and mental characteristics and are shaped by entirely different life experiences, relationships of any kind don't conform to a standard blueprint.

    For that reason, I feel that blogs, articles and forum posts like yours that document the impossibility of trying to live life according to somebody else's very different idea of "right", are invaluable to those who have been led to believe it will be easy and think they've 'failed' when they discover that it isn't.


  4. Awesome accomplishment of 4 years!

  5. Wow, four years is wonderful milestone! It is hard early on not to feel as though you have to practice dd the 'right' way and to conform to some blueprint and especially hard not to compare to others.

    Of course, over time we learn that in fact there is no 'right' way. Each couple needs to find what ttwd means for them and what works for them.

    I agree with Maryanne and Rosalind, it is blogs like yours that so invaluable to others starting out. By sharing your experiences, the struggles and the good times it helps others to avoid the same pitfalls.


    1. Indeed that is true, there is no right way, just our way!

  6. Congratulations on four years! You're so right about not comparing yourselves. No two couples are ever the same, and DD should be as unique as the couple practicing it.

  7. Congratulations on four years and in finding the way that works best for the two of you. All relationships undergo times of change but I have always found that trusting my husband to find the best way to lead has worked well for us.
    Here's to the next four years and the next and the next .....

  8. Wow, four years. That's quite a thing to be pleased with. :) You know, I think the ups and downs in the beginning actually help us learn together, and stop fighting against each other, and start working together to make the marriage and DD work. It was so hard for the Duke and I in the beginning, but we learned a lot that helps strengthen us now that we might not have learned had it been smoother sailing. :)