I may be different from other people in the street.
I may be different to my friends and to people I know.
I would never judge others who choose to live a certain way, and yet I myself am judged.
If I found out someone I knew was being beaten by her husband, I would be horrified.
If I thought that a woman was cowering in the corner of the room or was afraid of her husband, I would be very upset and want to help them. This would not be a loving marriage.
This is not what this relationship is. I am happy, I am not afraid of my husband, he is loving, I am loving. I am not brain washed, nor beaten, I am not crazy or insane, nor am I abused.
My husband is in charge, but if you knew us you would think that we are any ordinary couple. No actually you would think that we have a great relationship, that we are loving and openly affectionate. We listen to each other and support each other. We have been together for 7 years and are as madly in love as ever, two kids into our marriage.
But when people hear that my husband spanks me, they instantly jump to conclusions. The fact that he is man enough to sort out an argument, that if I am shouting or swear at him or disrespect him and he deals with the situation, he is abusing me, and if people know that I am happy with this situation, they instantly think that I am brainwashed! Why can't they accept that this is us, that we are happy?
My husband and I do not spank or smack our children. We are firm, but loving but I don't hit them because I believe that it wouldn't achieve anything and only teaches them to hit others. However I consent that my husband chooses what is necessary in our marriage, spanking or otherwise.
Here are some of the things people have said to me on my blog:
"Do you not feel worthy enough to make your own rules or decide them together?"
"A man taking the lead in his marriage would not have to hit his wife, period. And a really strong man would tell you to grow the hell up and hold up your end of the bargain and if you didn't know how to do that he would assist you without physical violence. A real man wouldn't allow you to lower yourself to the level of a child (which is what you are doing and why it feels so "freeing") and would encourage you to become a woman. Grow the hell up and quit making women in general look bad and weak."
"So who spanks husband when he stuffs up."
"A bit selfish of you women to let this happen."
"You all need help. There is no relationship in which spanking is acceptable. Couple therapy helps a lot. Give it a try! Otherwise, call the police."
"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK. LIKE ARE U FUCKING SERIOUS? FUCK. "
"Either you all like it in some way, or you just don't understand your rights as a human being."
"stand up women this is ur life and u should live it how u want as long as it dont hurt u or any1 els..i have a husband and he is the best thing we may have r problems but the first time he hit me in any way he would b in prison or dead.."
"This is about controlling another person, not about living better. Some of us evidently need to feel that they are controlled, and some need to control."
"What a bunch of stupid, ignorant and even evil women. Your BS is really sickening."
"I feel bad. I can't help but read about woman who participate in this type of relationship without thinking they are incredibly weak and pathetic for not being able to control themselves by themselves."
"A happy relationship isn't all about you sacrificing... it is two-sided. A person who truly loves you won't want you to suffer. Please... wake up."
"This is one really awful lifestyle."
"one problem is that many of these HOH males are total assholes who don't deserve the respect they can only get by physical force. Haven't read enough here to form an opinion of this one.) "
"He is treating you like a child not like a mature adult."
So lets not judge each other.
My husband spanks me, I let him, I don't like the act at the time but I love that he is in charge and takes no messing!
I am loved, I feel safe and cared for.
He is strong and calm and a wonderful father and husband.
I consent to this marriage and am not a freak for doing so!
I am not abused, nor brain washed, nor a sadomasochistic as I have been accused.
Thanks to this marriage, there is no power struggle, no fighting, we are happy.