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Saturday, 26 October 2013

The way Dd affects my man

I was going to write the way Dd affects a man but it may not be the case with everyone.

I had an epiphany recently.

I realised that if I were to tell the majority of my left-wing, feminist, dominant female friends the way we live, they would think that my husband was a nasty piece of work.

They would probably thing that he took advantage of me, that by being dominant I was somehow not allowed to have an opinion, my well being ignored and only his whim catered for.

But really it is the opposite.

I have given my lovely boy full control. In giving up any control I have in our relationship, be it sex, money, social life or housework, he has all the control, but that doesn't mean that he takes advantage.



In fact I think that quite the opposite happens. He is forced to put his wife and children first.

Because he has full responsibility of everything, he listens more.

When I allow him full control in the bedroom, does he take it whenever he wants it? - Well yes! But he also is very intuitive to my needs and feelings. If he senses that I really am too tired or am not in the mood, he chooses to respect my feelings. The result is that he is never sexually unsatisfied and I don't have to resort to telling him 'I have a headache' or making him feel sexually rejected.

The same goes for any decision that he makes. He intuitively listens to what I need and what I want. Our lifestyle has encouraged him to be even more considerate than he was four years ago.

And if I feel that he isn't listening to what is best for our family, or ignoring my needs, I voice them. But to be honest it is very rare.

By giving him full responsibility he feels the weight of it on his shoulders, guiding him towards the right decision.

Without Dd in our lives, what would the alternative be? We would both be vying for control with one of us choosing to back down when the arguments reach astronomic level. Or my husband would take a back seat, allowing me to lead in his absence (as is the case with most of our friends). He also wouldn't have that weight of responsibility guiding him, driving him to protect us all.

I really think this lifestyle is the reason why we are so happy, so in love with each other and so passionate about our family, 7 years after we met.

And long may it continue.

16 comments:

  1. This is so well written. I completely agree! After 17 years together, I never knew our love and respect for each other could be where it is or where it's growing and I never though submission could bring my voice out MORE! It's amazing.

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  2. I am one of those men that sort of just lets their wife take control, by default. So it takes a more active, engaged approach to be the head of household I should be. DD forces me to spend TIME on the relationship. This has benefited both of us, but I can say it's benefited me, personally, in a huge way.
    I liked how you stated everything here. People in the modern world thing that submitting to something means your value is degraded. But really the opposite is true - when men and women fall into their natural roles (which DD can help facilitate), then strange, amazing things happen. Amazing things that our fast paced, me-first world has forgotten about.

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    1. Well put! Nice to have an HOH perspective.
      C

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  3. Very nice post. I could elaborate, but I think I'll leave it at that. :-)

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    1. Thanks Irishey. Please do elaborate. C

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    2. Can you hear everyone gasping? I tend to be wordy, but I will keep this short. ;-)

      I agree with all that you say, and think it's wonderful. I've read about that very thing happening over and over in dd relationships. You've had several people chime I'm here as a testament that this really happens and has such a hugely positive influence on behavior, attitude and sense of personal responsibility. I don't really need to elaborate on that part.

      I believe there must be good character elements already present in order for dd to bring those out and enhance the way an HoH conducts himself and his relationship. I think the same is true for a TiH, although it works a little differently.

      Conversely, I think there are people whose values and personalities make them not good "risks" for practicing dd, either as the HoH or the TiH. It's important that both people have the character, heart and mindset that will allow them to thrive in a dd dynamic. I love seeing it work when it works well!

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  4. I totally agree-- giving control to someone makes them more responsible and sensitive. You give them trust and they rise up to prove they're worthy of it...

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    1. Yes. Isn't it wonderful to make each other feel so special.
      C

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  5. Hey C...You said it so well! Sending lots of positive energy...long may it continue! ;)

    Blessings...
    Cat

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  6. So true. Before ttwd I told my husband I felt like wallpaper. Something you occasionally remembered was there, in the background and it was admired every once in a blue moon. Usually when someone from the outside commented on it. Now by giving him control, I am the focal point. Of course he is too. I forget sometimes how far we have come.

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    1. That's so sad Wilma. But I'm really glad things are better and you are happier.
      C

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  7. Hi C, this is a great post, and well said. I have found the same. Rick takes the responsibility seriously and definitely listens, and takes my thoughts, opinions and feelings into account more and I have more of a voice.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  8. You really have a way with words and always make me glad we are giving DD a try. It is your blog that inspired us to do this and it has already in a short time changed our lives for the better. Our marriage was close to dissolving and now we are more in love than we have ever been.
    Thank you again for sharing with us!

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    1. Wow. That is lovely to hear. I guess when I started writing this blog I didn't realise that I may influence influence others. It's so nice to hear that you are doing well. Email me and keep in touch! Mummyinthecountry@gmail.com

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