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Saturday, 18 January 2014

Another parking ticket and he makes a mistake

Last week my darling man informed me that we were in debt.

He takes care of all the money. I don't even know what council tax costs and only just discovered that water and sewage is paid as one bill! I feel ashamed that I know little but every time I ask he tells me that I don't need to worry and that it is taken care of.

Our finances are tricky. He is self employed and earns different amounts of money each month. He gets paid on a daily basis in cash, so it is very tricky to budget. Having said that, he hasn't tried.

A few months ago our baby was in hospital with pneumonia. God Bless the NHS! - It cost us nothing and the care was exquisite as it always is with kids.  The problem was that we both stayed by her bedside for a week and didn't go to work. Neither of us get sick pay so we lost £500 in lost earning, plus the cost of eating at the canteen every day (we did get free tea, coffee and toast thanks to the lovely British tax payers and our baby was fed for free).

I knew that we were now into our overdraft, so I emptied my savings of what little I had to pay for the loss but it barely touched it.

Then came Christmas and birthdays and an extravagant and generous husband taking us out for lunch and coffee. Then last week he told me that we were in debt. A lot of it. £2500.

I couldn't believe it. I really had no idea. I knew work was tight over January but when I asked he just told me we had to be careful.

He sold something of his which was very precious and irreplaceable to cover most of it. And it was so sad to watch him do that. It was like he was punishing himself. I was very upset to see him do it. And he didn't tell me until it was gone.

It feels like I have been kept in the dark about a lot of this. He is very low over the whole thing and it is hard to see. He hasn't really talked about it. He is hiding away from me and seems to be crumbling.

Then came the parking ticket last week, which he still hasn't dealt with.

Then yesterday I got another one!

I can't believe it! I actually haven't ever had a parking ticket in the last ten years, but now I have got two in one week :(

I got back from a meeting and told him. He went mental at me, in front of the kids which is rare. He really told me off.  Which is the normal circumstances would be right and I would have said sorry and accepted the inevitable. But it was so hard to hear when I felt he had really let me down.

I was in a stinking mood yesterday. I hid myself away in my room and worked on my business. I couldn't dissociate the two actions, me forgiving him for his financial catastrophe and him spanking me for wasting £65 on parking fines.

I got some great advice from other Dd women and have now come to the following conclusions.

1) He is low and feels he has really let us down, by me removing consent and disallowing him from spanking me I am only going to increase those feelings.

2) He is in charge and I need to respect that. I need to remind him that I forgive him and respect him.

3) Two wrongs don't make a right. Me not being spanked for one thing doesn't make his debt any better and they are two separate issues.

So It has taken me a few days to get myself out of this horrible mood but I am finally ready to face the music and talk to him.

I shall keep you posted.


  1. I agree with what you were told. But also, our HoH's are human, and they are going to mess up from time to time. We have to be as willing to give them our forgiveness as they give us theirs. Yes, we don't them over our knees to help the process, but they also have to deal with the guilt of having let us down, of having tripped in their role as leader, and that they may have shaken our trust. That is a lot for them to process. When we realize all they carry around for us, it does make it easier to realize they really are trying, and our forgiveness should be theirs. I know it has been hard, but it does look like he is doing all he can to make up for the mistake.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

  2. I think you are very wise to come to those conclusions Charlotte. In the big picture I believe your actions and reactions are going to be key to building him up and getting back on track together. It isn't easy to see the other side when you too are hurting. I think it is fantastic that you were able to!

  3. I am sorry to hear about your troubles. It is so nice to have a guy to handle your finances but this is a lot of responsibility too. Please just relax and support him even when he messes up.

  4. Husbands are beautiful overall. Good post.

  5. Shakes head sadly