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Monday, 10 February 2014

Told off at our daughter's party!

Our lovely first born turned four last week. It was emotional. School is beckoning come September.

I threw a huge party at a hall in town. It was carnival theme and I went a bit crazy. I planned it at Christmas time. With a home made hot dog stand, Daddy dressed as the ring master - Oh how apt! - and pop corn.  It was so much fun and the kids loved it.



I do always get a bit stressed at things like this. I worry that my massive plans won't play out.

My darling man, who is much more of a socializer than a cleaner-upper, spent the time aiming to help but getting distracted.

For what felt like the gazillionth time, I found him chatting to friends instead of helping, I asked him in a very frustrated tone, 'DARLING, will you PLEASE help', then as he was walking away I said to our friends, 'Oh God he always needs chivying along..'

I then turned around to see my man standing a foot above me looking down at me, 'I beg your pardon'. He said.
Aware of an audience I said to him in a slightly mocking tone, 'Sorry darling you are doing a marvelous job'.

He then stood there continuously saying, 'What did you say', and me trying to calm him down. I felt our friends pretend they were busy doing other things.

'Please don't do this in public' I said, in a desperate attempt to calm him down.

He then walked off to carry on cleaning up with me.

I was mortified.

Later I asked him to be careful and that we don't want people to think he is a nasty man. He replied, 'Well if you don't want that response, don't speak to me like that'.

I know he is clamping down on any hormonal tendencies but I think he may have been a little over the top. What do you think?

22 comments:

  1. I would give anything for my man to stop my bad behavior in it's tracks. Yes, it's embarrassing at the time, but this isn't something we can do only when it's convenient. Maybe he went a little too far, but I bet that by not backing down in front of your friends he is hoping his reaction will stop the behavior from even starting in the future.

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  2. Not having been there or been in your shoes, it's hard to say. What you felt might not have been observed by your friends at all. Personally, I would not be happy if my husband were to scold me in public. He too may have felt that you were scolding him.

    I absolutely LOVE planning the kids' parties, but there is a balance to strike if it makes me nutty.

    I'm sorry it was a downer at what sounded like a really fun day.

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  3. Hey C...honestly...you were both in the wrong. You were very disrespectful to each other. I would suggest that you two sit down and discuss possible code words/phrases that you can use with each other in public so as not to disrespect/embarrass one another.

    One question...no one else offered to help you clean up? Or did you tell them not to bother? Hmmm?

    Sending lots of positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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  4. Hi C, that must have been awkward with your friends around. Perhaps if your husband used subtle 'cues' instead, such as the raised eyebrow, the look, a tap on the shoulder etc. It wouldn't be picked up by anyone else but you would know you are close to the line.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  5. Awe. :( I hate that you asked what do we think. :( that statement always makes me think...'we'll, when I ask for advice or something, i feel like it's an opening for ppl to tell me truths.'
    That being said...I don't think he was over the top at all. :( sorry. But from reading your posts for a short time now, it sounds a lot like me in some ways. In this dynamic we want our men to take charge and help us and lead our families to better. Is saying somethig like you did to your friend as he walked away ok? Ok to make him look like a child who needs constant reminding? I do think you may be a little embarrassed at his reply, but he's got a point too. 'If you don't want that reply, don't speak about me like that'.

    I see your side too! But he absolutely should have said something in the moment. Next time, maybe just say 'I'm sorry. I know.' immediately while looking in his eyes and mean it. The 'I know' is important because it means you both know what's going on, you see where you were wrong, and things don't need to be taken further. - then be GOOD the rest of the night. :)

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  6. I might come across as kind of blunt, sorry, but I really feel the whole situation could have been avoided. One rule the Duke and I have is that I don't belittle him in public, and the same goes for him to me. We have had this rule since we dated, long before DD. If I have a problem, I go and deal with it with him, one on one. No one else. I think it was a bit rude to belittle him to others. I think therefore, the only thing he could have done as an HoH was to call you out on it. Now, I think it might have been a bit extreme, but he also was caught being made front of in front of others, he probably wasn't thinking as clearly as normal because he would have felt embarrassed, like the one woman that was supposed to be in his corner was throwing him to the wolves, and that he'd just lost the respect he so deserves as your husband.

    When he called you out on your mistake, at that point, I'm surprised again that you didn't apologize, but instead tried to smooth over it. An apology and then admitting what he had already done to help would have fixed the situation right away I believe.

    I hope that doesn't come across as harsh, that is not how I mean it, but I have to admit, I think you egged on the situation by trying to gloss over the fact that you disrespected him, and even worse, did so in front of others. He does deserve an apology, and in all you said, I didn't see you mention that he got one. That is the first thing I would do. :) And then, in all honesty, I would apologize to your friends for setting up the situation, letting them know that as his wife, your job is to build him up, especially in front of others, and make him look the best he can to them.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

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  7. Happy belated b-day to your little princess! Oh gosh, I am sorry that happened. I too would have been mortified! However we do have a rule about embarrassing him or being disrespectful in public and how it will be handled. Perhaps putting something like that in place will help avoid issues in the future?

    ~ Tasha

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  8. Thanks everyone. Yes I know I was wrong to speak to him like that. I did apologise 5 minutes later and a great deal in the evening. I don't think he was over reacting, I think he was right, if I don't want that reaction, don't speak to him like that. We of course have a no disrespect rule, but sometimes rules are accidentally broken. I should have said sorry at the time. Next time eh! ;)

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    1. Though I do agree with the others that you shouldn't have belittled him in front of others, i think you should be allowed to get away with a little bit of "It was the hormones", after all it is only during pregnancy that we can get away with that phrase! lol . I hope he didn't go too hard on you.

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    2. That is the great thing about life, and about DD, we always have more chances. :). So glad you two were able to work it out. :)

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  9. I think people who practice DD should call it what it is. Assault, Domestic Abuse.There is nothing Christian, spiritual, healthy or normal about this practice. I think you ought to get out of this situation and get professional help, Good luck to you.

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    1. Dear Anonymous, the fact you are even on this blog suggests you are interested. I know because it was only about half a year ago I was in the place you are, with a fairly similar response. However since then my husband and I have brought DD into our marriage. We were close to the end of our marriage because we had lost alot of respect for each other. DD has caused us to communicate much more, to understand each others needs better and we are now more in love with each other than we have ever been! It does on the outside seem strange but when you are in it is far less abusive than what we were doing to each other prior. Believe it or not most of us have actually asked our partners to do this, it is us who feel we need it. I know that it has assisted others (as well as myself) even out of depression. Like anything in life, we don't really have a right to judge without first tasting.

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  10. It'd not abuse because I am a consenting partner. If something doesn't hurt anyone and makes others happy then there's no harm. There's something called cultural relavism that I suggest you read up on. The idea that essentially we all do things differently. You may not understand other's choices but we are free to make our own decisions. Judging others onl makes us feel bad in the long run.

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  11. Ah.. C.. I hate it when I do this, it's normally when I am stressed to the max. Doesn't make it right, and The Man usually sidles up to me, quietly, but when I embarrass him like this, well... he's not as quiet.. ya know?

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  12. Hi! My HOH and I have come across situations like this more times than I care to remember. If I am being disrespectful to him in public, then I get public reprimand. He hugs me, and whispers the warning in my and ear. Most friends and family see it as just a hug or a secret being told, but it is still embarrassing, and of course he takes full advantage of the infamous HOH glare.haha. These things do keep me from earning a well deserved spanking (most of the time.) He will also use the cellphone and send me a warning text. Much less embarrassing. But also very effective. Phone goes off.. look down.. see text.. text reads..YOUNG LADY! YOU HAVE EXACTLY ONE MINUTE TO CHANGE YOUR ATTIITUDE OR WE WILL LEAVE RIGHT NOW AND YOU'LL HAVE DATE WITH ME AND MR. STRAP! Yep. Scared straight. Lol!

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  13. Enjoy your kink. But stop preaching the BS about how "women need to be OTK" or how everyone should live this lifestyle. Its disgusting.
    You and your fellow kinksters (whether you admit to being kinksters or not) aren't the only "submissive wives" in the world. In my religious community, I've met - and grown up with - many women who were more mature and better wives than many of you are. Many of them, including my mom and stepmother's, ended up divorced after years of being put down and unappreciated. But many of those women are remarried now, and happily so. They worked hard, obeyed God as much as they could and they deserve the happiness they have now. What have you ever done to deserve your happiness?

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    1. You know, you are ABSOLUTELY right. Charlotte and the rest of us KINKSTERS ( oh that sounds like a music group) don't deserve our happiness. We should all try and be more God-fearing and judgmental of others. We should switch our spewing of spanking 'BS' to "In my religious world"....where we freely condemn those who have a different view of a happy marriage, BS.

      So do tell, why exactly are you here getting your 'freak on' with the kinksters?

      willie

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    2. I think anonymous will eventually stop trying to "beat" us and wind up joining us. That is usually what happens when someone stalks blogs with topics they "hate".

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    3. LOL and why would I join you all in your idiotic, puerile lifestyle? I come here for laughs, eyerolls, and sad headshaking.
      What have you done to earn your happiness? Seriously. A bunch of arrogant, self entitled, man-pampered overgrown children.

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    4. Anonymous ask yourself, is this anger and unkindness an example of a good Christian or whatever religion you follow? I hope you can feel confident in your choices and be sure that God approves of how you love your neighbour and treat others with compassion.

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  14. I have two things to say. Well, actually three, but you won't like the third one. 1. I SERIOUSLY think that a pregnant woman should accept that pregnancy is a job, actually, a career. Please don't try to prove that pregnancy is something you can ignor. In other words, you shouldn't have made a big production of your daughter's party. 2. No, I don't think your husband's response to your rudeness was over the top. You belittled him in public. It was wrong. And the third thing is this: your husband was at fault for going along with the carnival.Since he is the big partner, the original fault is his.

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  15. I personally 'love' when random anons want to give us advice, and when 'religious' people give their religion a bad name...way to bring ppl to 'the Faith'.

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