Total Pageviews

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

DD blog land, not always as it seems

Two and a half years ago I started this blog.

I was in a different place then and so was my husband.

We had dabbled with Dd for 2 years or so and were still really finding our feet.

At the time I was very much involved in the online Dd community and was rather obsessed with reading blogs and interacting with other people.  I found it really hard to live a life that was private. I wanted my friends to know. I wanted to meet others. I wanted to be able to be open about it and not worry that my husband would be judged.

Now, a few years down the line Dd no longer defines us. I remember reading a post by redbootywoman. She said that Dd didn't define her it was just something she and her husband did.

That is the same with us. It's no more newsworthy than how we do our food shopping or mow the lawn, it's just us and how we live.

But back in the day I was obsessed with writing this blog and gaining readers. I wrote it in a way that I had learnt from reading other people's.

Now the earlier posts slightly embarrass me. I have gone through and edited a lot of them, so that they more correctly represent us now in Dd.

We also didn't live our own Dd journey. I think I was concerned about doing it 'the right way' instead of allowing my husband to find his own path. I would send him links and show him articles and so we ended up copying a framework of punishments and implements that really didn't suit us.

It seems so strange to think about it now. It was almost like we were living in a strange world, acting out a play even? We were trying to be something we weren't.

I also didn't blog in the early days about how difficult it was sometimes. About the reality of DD and the struggle of me giving up any dominant tendencies. I was more obsessed with blogging in the same way as I had read.

I wish in the early days someone had told me, 'Dd is your own path and you have to do it how it suits you'.
'don't copy other people's example, don't compare yourselves, don't pressure yourself that you aren't doing things in the same way as other people'.

Just like all aspects of our relationship it needs to grow and flourish on it's own and it will soon become the norm, just as it has for my husband and I. I don't need to try and be submissive anymore, it is just normal.

Also it's important to realise that blogs that we read aren't necessarily the true picture of an entire relationship, it is just the picture that the blog writer wants you to see. Don't try and emulate that picture, the chances are that it isn't an accurate one anyway.

Just a thought.
C

9 comments:

  1. Your title is intriguing, especially since redbootywoman turned out to be fake....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Red Booty Woman was never a fake... What makes u say such things??

      Delete
    2. Kristin. I am as surprised as you. This was the first I ever heard of it. http://learningdd.com/blog/red-booty-woman-lie/ this:

      Delete
  2. So very true C...DD is just like any marriage or relationship...each is going to be different based on the personalities, needs and wants of those involved. You're doing great. BTW...how is your darling new little one doing? Hope you are taking good care of yourself. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cat. We are getting there. She is lovely but it is certainly a ballancing act.

      Delete
  3. Great post C, it's so hard not to compare with others in the lifestyle and we must remember that what we read is only a snippet of the overall picture and only what the blogger wishes to share. Each relationship is unique and each couple needs to find what works for them.

    Hope you and your latest little darling are doing well.

    Hugs
    Roz

    Hope your ne

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know I've always preached different strokes for different folks, but when you are in the throes of trying something new, you want to do it ALL right now and only find out later that ALL doesn't work for you. At least, you have come into your own and found the path that is right for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Same here and this is why I personally have a dislike of DD 'manuals'. For all that they usually come with warnings to the effect that they are general guidelines and shouldn't be followed to the letter, there are those who will nevertheless ignore the warnings and try to do precisely that.

    The result is generally that, because they are trying to emulate methods and experiences imparted by a person or couple with different life experiences/history, different moral and spiritual beliefs, different physical and mental processes and pain thresholds and different problems, they don't get the same results and tend to 'judge' their 'successes' and 'failures' by criteria that has no relevance to them.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Red booty woman was found and admitted to making it all up. Was revealed in several blogs recently.

    ReplyDelete